Monthly Archives: May 2011


Beyonce Premiered her new single from her 4th Solo album entitled “4” on American Idol Wednesday… to sum it up: Beautiful Love song! I dont know if it was because she was singing it live or if the song is just the deep, but I could feel every emotion in each lyric…. but I concluded the song is just that
I love Bey’s upbeat, (women’s) empowerment, and dance songs BUT her ballots are simply amazing! It seems as years grow on, with the love her and her husband [Mr… Cater]  the songs just get better, deeper, and wiser! I LOVE IT. I am anxious for June 28th… I am praying that we will get more ballads.. that she will take us back to “Dangerously In Love”
If I could sing…. I would sing this to you…. :-*

ps.. I think I have new wedding song 🙂
Check out the rehearsal:
This is what her husband said about her below:
“Sometimes you need perspective. You’ve been right in front of greatness so often that you need to step back and see it again for the first time. This is the dressing room rehearsal for American Idol.NO MICROPHONE. No effects.”

I think that’s amazing for a man to say about his wife!



Figuring it out….

I wrote this about a year or two ago but I just found it randomly.. Good shit! And I bet if the person was to read this they would “know”…. Bit I’m in a better place now… No worries just smiles 🙂

Figuring it out..
Maybe the problem lies within me. Maybe I have done something wrong to make things be this way! I don’t know what to say and if I knew what to say im not sure if I would know how execute the words…
When I step into things I try to give my all but my definition of all is never good enough for them..
I give too much of my heart and in the end that shit gets pulled out stepped on, stomped on and shitted on..
All I ask is for a little bit of honesty and if I don’t get what your saying ill ask “why?” but that questions seems to be a SAT question to most…
I ask why and you either can’t answer or you have to take time out to come up with one, maybe if I broke it down in multiple choice you would get it?
Yea im hurt I can admit that but now im asking myself “why?”..
Why be hurt over something that I told myself not to get too deep with?
Why be hurt over something that held back so much?
Why be hurt over something that I did not ask for?
Why be hurt over something that I KNEW would hurt me?
Is it my fault?
Always ending up in the same situations with the same kinds of people..
Not a relationship..
No but could’ve been
Something special?
Very much! It WAS very special.
For 2 years I did construction on myself…
To make me realize that im better off this way and im happy with it just being
And I am,
But of course
And just when I think I don’t give a fuck, something comes along
Something shows me something different..
But it scares me, like a child im starting over again
I feel..
Scared, nervous, anxious, needy, wanted, happy, excited..
Since the last one no one has had the ability to make me feel like I did.
But with all of these feelings I told myself,
Don’t get too close to something, something has hurt many and you won’t be an exception
Something reassured me that everything is ok, its not trying and wont hurt me..
But my gut says different..
Gut is usually right..
But the way im feeling is too good to just walk away, im going to TRUST that everything is everything…
This was a breath of fresh air..
It was different what has been happening to me…
The feeling is just…indescribable
I couldn’t put the words to it but the emotions could show it all..
Something pulls away…turns on me like an animal
Did something get scared?
Or was I getting too wrapped up in this?
But things are great..
And if it came down to it, would I give my all to something?
In a heartbeat…
Not at all..
Then something turns to nothing,
Im not feeling appreciated, wanted, or needed..
Instead now im confused && lost
The end has approached
But so quick?
Trying to figure it out…

The Moving on…

You had me right where you wanted me… more so better right where I wanted to be..
Every word you spoke was like a song to me..a song that made my heart beat
Our bodies danced a rhythm to African drums
Our souls met and mirrored every want, need and desire of one another
We told jokes that made us giggle…even if we weren’t together
When times got rough we held each other close and slow built  each other up
We fell, but never hit the ground….
You Caught me.. and I caught you
This was a bliss that just felt too perfect for you
But just right to me..
On the same path we traveled we were one in the same
It was everything!
But still made me question: “What was it?”
To the outside I was just your friend
But between us and our hearts we were lovers, our other halves
Out of no where….
We collided…
Into a disaster…
Something so beautiful and Vibrant turned to ugliness and darkness
The love making turned to kisses….
The kisses turned to hugs…
The hugs turned to hand shakes
The hand shakes turned to…..
Quiet Hello’s and silent good byes is where WE ended up..
All because seasons changed…
Feelings of one may have escaladed while the other just faded away or perhaps stayed the same?
What if I wanted more?
But more importantly…
What if I wanted it with you?
Patience is something I dont practice but I found it with you
But I got tired…
Mentally…. Physically…Emotionally
I was forced to walk away…
It was not a want…
But It was a want of wanting more
More than you were willing to offer…
I had to leave…
My heart was thirsty for full time love…
I couldn’t hold on to it…
I dont even know what “it” is.. well was.
My back is turned and I have walked away…
You want to find your way back…
But what if its too late?