Figuring it out…

I wrote this about a year or 2 ago.. But I found it randomly… Good shit though! Lol

Maybe the problem lies within me. Maybe I have done something wrong to make things be this way! I don’t know what to say and if I knew what to say im not sure if I would know how execute the words…
When I step into things I try to give my all but my definition of all is never good enough for them..
I give too much of my heart and in the end that shit gets pulled out stepped on, stomped on and shitted on..
All I ask is for a little bit of honesty and if I don’t get what your saying ill ask “why?” but that questions seems to be a SAT question to most…
I ask why and you either can’t answer or you have to take time out to come up with one, maybe if I broke it down in multiple choice you would get it?
Yea im hurt I can admit that but now im asking myself “why?”..
Why be hurt over something that I told myself not to get too deep with?
Why be hurt over something that held back so much?
Why be hurt over something that I did not ask for?
Why be hurt over something that I KNEW would hurt me?
Is it my fault?
Always ending up in the same situations with the same kinds of people..
Not a relationship..
No but could’ve been
Something special?
Very much! It WAS very special.
For 2 years I did construction on myself…
To make me realize that im better off this way and im happy with it just being
And I am,
But of course
And just when I think I don’t give a fuck, something comes along
Something shows me something different..
But it scares me, like a child im starting over again
I feel..
Scared, nervous, anxious, needy, wanted, happy, excited..
Since the last one no one has had the ability to make me feel like I did.
But with all of these feelings I told myself,
Don’t get too close to something, something has hurt many and you won’t be an exception
Something reassured me that everything is ok, its not trying and wont hurt me..
But my gut says different..
Gut is usually right..
But the way im feeling is too good to just walk away, im going to TRUST that everything is everything…
This was a breath of fresh air..
It was different what has been happening to me…
The feeling is just…indescribable
I couldn’t put the words to it but the emotions could show it all..
Something pulls away…turns on me like an animal
Did something get scared?
Or was I getting too wrapped up in this?
But things are great..
And if it came down to it, would I give my all to something?
In a heartbeat…
Not at all..
Then something turns to nothing,
Im not feeling appreciated, wanted, or needed..
Instead now im confused && lost
The end has approached
But so quick?
Trying to figure it out…


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