Category Archives: Liberatedee

Strangers to Friends to Lovers to Strangers….

We lived two separate lives..Searching for something
What?
We have had no clue.
It wasn’t until passing it made a little sense.
We talked all the time and found our commonalities.
We told each other secrets
Shared inside jokes and secret code words.
We Laughed all night at the silly things we’ve done, past and present.
Talked about our dreams and growing up
Then we kissed….
Our hearts touched …
And our bodies connected.
Our nights ended with each others sleepy breathing.
Our days didn’t start until start until a sweet “good morning”
We held hands in public, stared in each other’s eyes and kissed passionately for no reason.
Talked about OUR future….
Then we argued.
The long stares turned to eye rolls.
Passion turned to a quick satisfaction.
The need the… the want to be around each other suddenly seemed rushed and like a waste of time.
The connection fizzled.
The phone calls stopped.
Whenever we talked the awkward silence took over our words.
We are no longer comfortable with each other.
We are asking questions that we use to know the answers to .
We sit right next to one another and feel so alone.
We are now two people searching for something…
What….?
Something we had and…
Lost….


A Brown Girl’s Tale….

A Brown Girl’s Tale….

Kelly Rowland covers the fall (2011) issue of Runway Magazine. In the magazine she shares her struggles growing up with her complexion.
“There’s so much peer pressure growing up, I had an identity crisis. I went to a predominantly white school and I was the only black girl. I can remember thinking: ‘I don’t want to be as dark as I am – I want to be a little fairer.’ I didn’t want to be me…Tina sat me in front of the mirror and said: ‘Girl, look at how pretty you are.’ She made me feel comfortable in my own skin.”

Though my schools weren’t predominately white I did struggle with my complexion. The crazy thing is no one ever called me ugly or made me feel otherwise as a child, it was just something I felt.

I remember not wanting to go out in the sun in fear that I would get a tan. I just didn’t want to get any darker. I had some kind of jealousy or envy towards my lighter friends and classmates. I found myself only being attracted to guys that were either light skin or Spanish. At times I felt out of place when I was with my mother and grandmother because they were lighter. I didn’t understand why I was so dark and they weren’t and I felt like everyone thought the same.

One day in school someone told me “dark skin girls remind me of hood rats.” When I heard that I didn’t not take it heart or believe it but I was hurt as to why someone would think or feel like that, especially because it was lighter friend. I did argue as to why that was a dumb thing tot think, and say, and how un-factual it was. I don’t think they understood the ignorance of their thinking, which is fine because I did not allow that it make matters worse…… (Maybe that was the beginning of my embrace? hmmm)

But like most things, places and things I outgrew those thoughts. I LOVE who I am. I love sunny days and the beach. It still seems crazy to me that I, who use it hate the summer because of the sun, actually goes to the beach to tan. I am in love with my chocolate sun kissed skin! I find nothing sexier than the many shades of dark skin.

I don’t understand what made me feel those ways I use to feel but knowing Kelly’s feelings I wonder if this something all dark skin females go through? Do we all struggle with being comfortable in our skin? Do we all wonder why… or wish we were?

As women we HAVE to embrace, love and cherish everything about us. We have so many beautiful things to be grateful about and appreciate about us. If you are struggling with you complexion, your curvy figure or thick hair…. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Embrace those things that make up who YOU are. YOU have to love yourself first and until you do no one or thing will make you happy. EVERY TIME you look in the mirror or pass your reflection say ” I am beautiful!” (yes I actually did this… but for another reason for another blog…lol) but it REALLY works! After a while it won’t be something you are just saying it will be something you know.

Stay Strong Beautiful Girl….. xoxoxo

20110908-120412.jpg

I’ve always thought Kelly was gorgeous… she has a great personality too!


Figuring it out…

I wrote this about a year or 2 ago.. But I found it randomly… Good shit though! Lol

Maybe the problem lies within me. Maybe I have done something wrong to make things be this way! I don’t know what to say and if I knew what to say im not sure if I would know how execute the words…
When I step into things I try to give my all but my definition of all is never good enough for them..
I give too much of my heart and in the end that shit gets pulled out stepped on, stomped on and shitted on..
All I ask is for a little bit of honesty and if I don’t get what your saying ill ask “why?” but that questions seems to be a SAT question to most…
I ask why and you either can’t answer or you have to take time out to come up with one, maybe if I broke it down in multiple choice you would get it?
Yea im hurt I can admit that but now im asking myself “why?”..
Why be hurt over something that I told myself not to get too deep with?
Why be hurt over something that held back so much?
Why be hurt over something that I did not ask for?
Why be hurt over something that I KNEW would hurt me?
Is it my fault?
What?
EVERYTHING…
Always ending up in the same situations with the same kinds of people..
Not a relationship..
Love?
No but could’ve been
Something special?
Very much! It WAS very special.
For 2 years I did construction on myself…
To make me realize that im better off this way and im happy with it just being
Dominica…
And I am,
Forever?
But of course
And just when I think I don’t give a fuck, something comes along
Something shows me something different..
But it scares me, like a child im starting over again
I feel..
Scared, nervous, anxious, needy, wanted, happy, excited..
Since the last one no one has had the ability to make me feel like I did.
But with all of these feelings I told myself,
Don’t get too close to something, something has hurt many and you won’t be an exception
Naw..
Something reassured me that everything is ok, its not trying and wont hurt me..
But my gut says different..
Gut is usually right..
But the way im feeling is too good to just walk away, im going to TRUST that everything is everything…
This was a breath of fresh air..
It was different what has been happening to me…
The feeling is just…indescribable
I couldn’t put the words to it but the emotions could show it all..
Something pulls away…turns on me like an animal
Did something get scared?
Or was I getting too wrapped up in this?
But things are great..
And if it came down to it, would I give my all to something?
In a heartbeat…
Questionable?
Not at all..
Then something turns to nothing,
Im not feeling appreciated, wanted, or needed..
Instead now im confused && lost
The end has approached
But so quick?
Unexpectedly
Reason?
Trying to figure it out…


Travel Bucket list

EVERYWHERE!
 
I want to go EVERY place that I can…
 
I want to learn how to say “Hello! How are you” In every language
 
I want to step on every beach…
 
I want to practice every religion
 
I want to see every statue
 
I want to walk on every bridge
 
I want to drive on every road
 
I just want to go….
 


Figuring it out….

I wrote this about a year or two ago but I just found it randomly.. Good shit! And I bet if the person was to read this they would “know”…. Bit I’m in a better place now… No worries just smiles 🙂

Figuring it out..
 
Maybe the problem lies within me. Maybe I have done something wrong to make things be this way! I don’t know what to say and if I knew what to say im not sure if I would know how execute the words…
When I step into things I try to give my all but my definition of all is never good enough for them..
I give too much of my heart and in the end that shit gets pulled out stepped on, stomped on and shitted on..
All I ask is for a little bit of honesty and if I don’t get what your saying ill ask “why?” but that questions seems to be a SAT question to most…
I ask why and you either can’t answer or you have to take time out to come up with one, maybe if I broke it down in multiple choice you would get it?
Yea im hurt I can admit that but now im asking myself “why?”..
Why be hurt over something that I told myself not to get too deep with?
Why be hurt over something that held back so much?
Why be hurt over something that I did not ask for?
Why be hurt over something that I KNEW would hurt me?
Is it my fault?
What?
EVERYTHING…
Always ending up in the same situations with the same kinds of people..
Not a relationship..
Love?
No but could’ve been
Something special?
Very much! It WAS very special.
For 2 years I did construction on myself…
To make me realize that im better off this way and im happy with it just being
Dominica…
And I am,
Forever?
But of course
And just when I think I don’t give a fuck, something comes along
Something shows me something different..
But it scares me, like a child im starting over again
I feel..
Scared, nervous, anxious, needy, wanted, happy, excited..
Since the last one no one has had the ability to make me feel like I did.
But with all of these feelings I told myself,
Don’t get too close to something, something has hurt many and you won’t be an exception
Naw..
Something reassured me that everything is ok, its not trying and wont hurt me..
But my gut says different..
Gut is usually right..
But the way im feeling is too good to just walk away, im going to TRUST that everything is everything…
This was a breath of fresh air..
It was different what has been happening to me…
The feeling is just…indescribable
I couldn’t put the words to it but the emotions could show it all..
Something pulls away…turns on me like an animal
Did something get scared?
Or was I getting too wrapped up in this?
But things are great..
And if it came down to it, would I give my all to something?
In a heartbeat…
Questionable?
Not at all..
Then something turns to nothing,
Im not feeling appreciated, wanted, or needed..
Instead now im confused && lost
The end has approached
But so quick?
Unexpectedly
Reason?
Trying to figure it out…
 


The Moving on…

You had me right where you wanted me… more so better right where I wanted to be..
Every word you spoke was like a song to me..a song that made my heart beat
Our bodies danced a rhythm to African drums
Our souls met and mirrored every want, need and desire of one another
We told jokes that made us giggle…even if we weren’t together
When times got rough we held each other close and slow built  each other up
We fell, but never hit the ground….
You Caught me.. and I caught you
This was a bliss that just felt too perfect for you
But just right to me..
On the same path we traveled we were one in the same
Ecstasy
Love
Passion
It was everything!
But still made me question: “What was it?”
To the outside I was just your friend
But between us and our hearts we were lovers, our other halves
Somewhere….
Out of no where….
We collided…
Into a disaster…
Something so beautiful and Vibrant turned to ugliness and darkness
The love making turned to kisses….
The kisses turned to hugs…
The hugs turned to hand shakes
The hand shakes turned to…..
Nothing…
Quiet Hello’s and silent good byes is where WE ended up..
All because seasons changed…
Feelings of one may have escaladed while the other just faded away or perhaps stayed the same?
What if I wanted more?
But more importantly…
What if I wanted it with you?
Patience is something I dont practice but I found it with you
“*waiting*”
But I got tired…
Mentally…. Physically…Emotionally
I was forced to walk away…
It was not a want…
But It was a want of wanting more
More than you were willing to offer…
I had to leave…
My heart was thirsty for full time love…
I couldn’t hold on to it…
I dont even know what “it” is.. well was.
My back is turned and I have walked away…
 
You want to find your way back…
 
But what if its too late?
 
 
 
 


Quote of the day…

“Situations may happen but never look at things as ending see every opportunity as a NEW BEGINNING”
-Liberatedee

As I was getting ready for work this morning my future was on my mind. I must say that I have learned a lot through my 24 (25 on the creep) years. It took sometime for me to realize some things but I am slowly seeing the light.I see that you have look at the positivity in EVERY situation you endure.

When relationships end its easy to focus on “why did (s)he leave me?” Or the thoughts of lonliess…BUT we should recognize that better is on the way. Use the loss of a relationship to make changes to you and prepare for that new, better, & true love that’s coming!

Use that loss of your job as an opportunity to discover your passion. To find a job that makes you want to wake up in the morning eager to go to and be on time!

A friend walks out of life… especially during your time of need. Don’t worry about a replacement because friends are irreplaceable, remember the good times and cherish the moments. Remember all friends don’t belong in your circle, and take this as a time to progress from the person you once was….We grow up and sometimes grow apart.

Take everything as a lesson for BETTER. Its hard trust me I know but the minute you see the positivity, push forward, and start fresh the feeling you will feel is undescribable…BUT it’s an amazing feeling. You will be surpised at what you can conquer….

Happy Friday!


Dee The Anti-Social

I’m back! I know you are probably scratching your head & scrunching your face because there is a large chance you are not familiar with me, but here’s your chance.

Back in May of 2010 I started a blog, unfortunately I didn’t take the time out for it which is why I am here now. I am ready to put my dream to a reality. Not only do I have more time on my hands but I am putting the time in to please MY heart (by any means) which I didn’t do for a long time…

With turning 25 this year I could not handle opening another chapter of my book waking up to a job that does not fulfil me or not working for what makes me smile. I decided to take a semester off to just reflect on Dominica…my future is approaching so I must prepare for it wisely. Fall 2011 I will no longer be a Criminal Justice major just trying to get a degree…but a Mass Communications: Print Journalism student conquering a dream!

Remember no matter how late the start you can always get on the right track- be blessed!